Golden Lucy's Spiral Journal

Going on 87...Savoring and Surviving the Senior Years

Friday, May 11, 2007

Lucy Ponders Love and Faith

Despite a life of challenges both trivial and devastating I continue to believe in love and choose to have faith. It isn't always easy since faith especially, is an act of will for me---I'd much rather that my will always be done. Today was a day I called upon GD for a special favor. A few weeks ago Carole began to complain about feeling a painful lump in her esophagus and a difficulty swallowing.

Carole assumes that anything less than a missing body part will "take care of itself." As most of you know, I operate on the dead-in-the-street theory. This conflict of convictions brought me to near-hysteria and Carole to the Creek Creek casinos to get away from me. Finally, when her money was gone, she agreed to see the doctor.

He immediately sent her to the gastroenterology lab for what Carole called a "reverse colonoscopy." I'd had the real thing and was quite certain there was no way she could go through this procedure without me. She demurred; I insisted and prevailed. Here's where the love and faith come in.

I sat and waited nervously during the procedure. I knew I should have been in there with her! As many of you know, Jack is my only child but living with Jack and Carole the last 5 years has led me to love her as a true daughter. I prayed silently that she not have cancer or some other incurable affliction. "Please, Lord, let her be OK. I love her so much." I had faith my prayer would be answered, and it was. The verdict was a hiatal hernia that would controlled by medication.

As we drove home---me at the wheel for a change---I thought most folks would say my prayer wasn't necessary or effective. But it gave me peace to choose to believe it was both. Now I'm on my way to Panera's to buy her some wild mushroom soup. I wish she'd let me do more for her but I should be satisfied that she let me drive home from the clinic. But I'm happy---and grateful also for all of you for listening to this old lady! Have a wonderful Mothers' Day weekend---I know I will.