Golden Lucy's Spiral Journal

Going on 87...Savoring and Surviving the Senior Years

Sunday, December 03, 2006

A Week of Peace and Tears

Oh my Gawd!! Am I really that old? I look like a corpse. But I'm a happy corpse. We had a lovely Shabbat this weekend and I'm grateful for every weekend I get---especially the lovely ones! However, this Shabbat was bittersweet as Teresa, one of the-most-precious-and-adored-granddaughters-in-law-in-the-world received the most distressing news.

One of Teresa's dearest friends experienced what I can only describe as anybody's worst nightmare. I'm not even sure how to relate the incident without trivializing it but I'll try. Toni has been Teresa's friend for many years. Toni has a beautiful little girl with her longtime boyfriend Manny. Manny was an intelligent and sensitive guy but found drugs and alcohol even more enticing than Toni and his little daughter. After many years of personal struggle Manny appeared to be heading in a positive direction. He and Toni resumed communication and their future relationship seemed to hold promise.

But it was not to be. In short, Manny shot himself in the head in front of Toni last week. However, he didn't die immediately. After two days he was pronounced brain-dead and disconnected from life-support. But the thing is, he had identified himself as an organ donor and his skin, eyes and organs gave new life to many desperate and hopeful people.

I'm still processing the news...On one hand such tragedy and trauma. On the other, the gift of hope. It will take me a while to process. But then I think of the avocado pit my great-grandson stuck in one of our flowerpots. Two tiny leaves have appeared above the dirt. I know the pit is dissolving and disappearing to make the burgeoning of new life possible.

The older I get the more I know that life is a cycle of death and rebirth. I want, while I live, to contribute to life. Death for me, I hope, will come quietly and peacefully...but not until I have truly lived here and now.


  • At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Maria said…

    I know from personal experience the tragic pain of losing a loved one to suicide.

    This is a terrible time for this young woman. My heart goes out to her. The feeling of helplessness bears heavy as well as all the "what if's".

    There is a lesson I learn over and over and that is to let go and to understand that suicide is part of a serious illness. Difficult to acknowledge and difficult to comprehend.

    My thoughts are with both mother and daughter as they grieve their loss.

  • At 4:08 AM, Blogger Miss Cellania said…

    What a devastating scenario. Another child without a daddy.

  • At 5:06 AM, Blogger GUYK said…

    "but not until I have truly lived here and now."

    Yes, I agree. Death is a part of living just as is is n ot something that I am looking forward least as long as sweetthing is alive with me. But it is not something that terrifies me..I just try to live ever day as if it is the first day of the rest of my life and the last day of a long life.

    Life is short..way to short to stay miserably unhappy when there are so many things to be happy about.

  • At 5:29 AM, Blogger Ginnie said…

    In AA we say "The normal person does anything to keep from going to Hell...the alcoholic has already been there." That is so true...the drugs and alcohol rob so many people of productive lives. All the senses are skewed and life is based on fear...scary but true. I'm so sorry that it happened and send all sorts of hope to all of you.

  • At 11:25 AM, Blogger Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said…

    I'm glad to hear you enjoyed a holy Sabbath, Lucy. Here's wishing you all that is good and thoughts that nourish your spirit and give you peace. God bless you.

  • At 3:00 PM, Anonymous claude said…

    Lucy, sorry to hear such awful news. My thoughts are with you and with Toni and her child.
    On a happier note, what a great photo!

  • At 7:06 PM, Blogger Judy said…

    Lucy, you look fine in that photo!

    I am sorry for your friend's loss and sorrier still for the child, who will always wonder why she didn't matter more to her daddy.

    I think everything on our planet points to a cycle of life and death for everything alive. I like to think of it this way: Imagine death as a sailing ship leaving port and sailing away across the horizon. As it faded from your view, it is arriving at some other horizon, and others will welcome it on the other side. You won't die, you will live elsewhere.

  • At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Coll said…

    Such a tragic incident. How terrible it must have been for Toni. My mind can not even fathom. But.. how wonderful that others will have their lives improved.

    I too have come to see the cycle that is our journey. The realization has given me peace.

  • At 6:20 AM, Anonymous Terri said…

    I'm sorry to hear such tragic news. Sending all good thoughts to Teresa, Toni and her daughter.
    Life is a cycle and may you enjoy every second of yours, Lucy.
    So glad to see you posting again. I sure have missed you!

  • At 1:54 PM, Blogger Suzann said…

    Blessings to you dear Lucy - how lovely you look in the picture. I am always so happy to drop in and see a post from you. So sorry about the devasting loss of this young man - prayers to the daughter and her mom and to your grand-in law as well.

    Spirit passes to another form - how wonderful is the time we have here together -- before that transformation. I love the avocado seed metaphor. Love to you.

  • At 10:05 PM, Blogger bunnygirl said…

    Sorry to chime in so late on this, Lucy-- I'm not getting your RSS feed for some reason. :-(

    There's little one can say about Toni's situation that doesn't sound trite or inadequate. Life seems particularly hard to deal with for some people. I don't know why. They seem unable to make the sort of daily commitment to life that one has to have if one is to get through it with optimism and humor.

    I sometimes wonder if it's our easy twenty-first century lives that contribute to the problem. We're wired to fight saber-tooth tigers, and maybe some people turn that instinct on themselves. Lacking any more worthy opponent in life, they fight themselves. Sadly, sometimes they "win."

    Peace and best wishes to Toni and her child, and to you and your lovely family.

    And curses upon the RSS feed that didn't inform me you had posted!

  • At 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest Lucy

    All I can think of to say is, you are loved and appreciated by all of us out here. Your kind and generous, positive spirit lights our way with your words.

    Stay strong for Teresa.

    Chancy ( I can't get the sign in to work so I am anonymous.)

  • At 4:14 PM, Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said…

    Oh Lucy, what a terrible tragedy...Haunting, really....I can see how this will take a long time to really process completely, if ever....Your dear Grand-Daughter-In-Law must be pretty devistated and I cannot imagine that his wife would ever get over seeing such a terrible terrible thing...

    How in one post dear Lucy you could make me laugh out loud..("...I look like a corpse, but a happy one..") to bringing me to tears....You have such a wonderful way of expressing yourse;f, my dear...
    I hope each day will be a gift to you, my dear, because you sure are a fabulous gift to all of us! Stay well, dear Lucy and enjoy all that you can.

  • At 8:07 PM, Blogger Mary said…

    My thoughts of a better future for Toni and her daughter. To your grand daughter-in-law her friendship will be a rock to hold on to for Toni.

    Stay warm and well Lucy.

  • At 7:52 AM, Blogger Peggy said…

    Man - I can only imagine what a horrible scene that must have been.

    On a brighter note, Lucy you look wonderful. Who is this old person you keep mentioning?

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger Kay Dennison said…

    Lucy darling, you look fabulous! My heart goes out to all of you as you go through this tragedy. I'm keeping you in my prayers, my good friend!

  • At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Janice said…

    You are so wise, Lucy. Life does teach us many lessons, although many of them are difficult to grasp. It's such a tragedy when a young life can't seem to get on the tracks and just keep chugging along like the rest of us, persevering through all the stuff life throws at us.

  • At 5:37 PM, Blogger joared said…

    As usual, Lucy, you hone in on the issues of which we must remind ourselves, especially when such needless loss occurs:

    "...I know that life is a cycle of death and rebirth. I want, while I live, to contribute to life."

    You are contributing to life by just being, bringing joy and happiness to your loved ones and now you share the same with us in each of your posts on your blog. Thank you.

  • At 6:59 PM, Blogger Suzann said…

    Lucy - Happy Hanukkah = my love flies across the miles in this season of light. Shalom

  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger kenju said…

    Lucy, are you okay? Happy Hanukkah!

  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger Rain said…

    How tragic on the young man doing such a thing. We have to assume they are not in their right minds to give up on life that way. Very hard on the survivors. At least he didn't take someone else with him as some choose to do.

    Happy Hanukkah. Hope your week will be very special despite that devastating news.

  • At 7:13 PM, Blogger myrtillo1984 said…

    Happy Hanukkah Dear Dear Lucy...I hope you are doing well and enjoying lighting those lovely dear candles each and every night...!

    Naomi Here, my matter what Beta Blogger Says! HA HA HA!


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