Golden Lucy's Spiral Journal

Going on 87...Savoring and Surviving the Senior Years

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Lucy Needs Sympathy

I don't think I've mentioned the upcoming wedding of my grandson Ben to The Lovely Teresa. Ben is studying to be a dentist but he and Teresa have decided not to wait to get married. "Granny, we're so much in love we want to get married now."

And so, on July 29th, 2006 Ben and The Lovely Teresa are getting hitched in a "biggy" wedding celebration. (That date might sound familiar because it's in direct conflict with the Blogher conference in California. I was very excited about going to Blogher but obviously I'll have to wait until the '07 conference as the family would take a dim view of my absence at Ben and Teresa's wedding.)

This is the wedding the kids said would be a "simple" affair. However, like Topsey it seems to have "growed" over the past few months. Among the commitments made by those of us in the "Donn Dimension" is hosting a rather formal bridal shower on the 23rd of April. It is now 10 days from that date. It might as well be tomorrow as far as I'm concerned. Carole believes it is still months away.

I am a planner. If an occasion arises I plan what to do, where to do it, when to do it, how to get it done and what to wear at the earliest possible moment. It's all standard procedure and it's served me well over many decades.

My daughter-in-law feels all this planning is inhibiting and uptight. Our power struggles are very understated and polite. Mutually passive-aggressive sums it up quite nicely. I use guilt like both a saber and scapel---depending on what seems most effective at the time. Carole opts for immediate pacification and subsequent procrastination.

But now I'm at the hand-wringing stage. Carole and Jack dropped everything and flew to NYC for the holiday---with only 10 days to go until the shower that is supposed to be perfect and special and ON TIME. Carole said not to worry. We have "The List." Grannylu can make any decisions that arise based on "The List." To me this is like giving me a medical textbook and assuring me I can do brain surgery. It takes me two days to decide what color socks to wear.

The caterers have questions, there were no maps in the invitations; what about the flowers? Poor Lucy is a wreck. When I fret by phone Carole replies , "I thought this was supposed to be wonderful and fun. All this fussing is making it an ordeal. Let's just give them the money instead." She means it too.

It's all too scary and frustrating. Oh, woe is me... I think I'll have a glass of wine and take a nap.


  • At 4:40 AM, Blogger kenju said…

    Lucy, I am sorry to hear that you cannot go to the convention, as I am sure you would be the hit of the event. I hope the shower and wedding go off without a hitch and that you enjoy every minute of them both!

  • At 6:14 AM, Blogger Joy Des Jardins said…

    Lucy, maybe you just better have that glass of wine. I lived with a procrastinator for many years. It can be painful; uncomfortable at best. Just resign to the fact that you don't have the control...and flow with it. A hard thing to do, I know; but the only thing to do. If something doesn't come off perfectly, that too will pass. It will be a lovely shower nonetheless.

  • At 8:28 AM, Anonymous Terri said…

    Yup,'re a Pisces just like I am....I'm a constant organizer. I detest leaving things to chance or to the last minute and can't understand those that do. Why not be prepared, get it all done and then, sit back and enjoy all the planning...but many people don't.
    So....when all else fails, I agree with you....have that glass of wine and relax. Anxious to hear about the shower and wedding. By the way....what a handsome couple they make! Wishing them years of happiness together.

  • At 2:02 PM, Blogger Chantel said…

    Lucy, I will miss you at the BlogHer conference. P.S. Like I always say, "Seek Your Inner Cocktail and Chill Out!"

    Wine is good.

  • At 2:05 PM, Blogger Chancy said…

    Hi Lucy

    I hear ya. I tend to over plan also. Just remember "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." I planned and planned and had EVERY detail down to the last second for my daughter's wedding. And then the weatherman had the gall to send a pouring down rain. The wedding was inside so it didn't really matter "too much" but it taught me there are some things that are out of my control :)

    Cheers---joins Lucy in a glass of wine--heck Let's make it a glass of champagne.... Dom Perignon ok?

  • At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    As a kid, I planned everything in minute detail. By the time I hit 25 or 26, it became abundantly clear to me that life didn't move along the lines of my planning. I resolved to set a shorter horizon--perhaps two years would be a good one. Still later, after topping 42, I learned that two years was much too long a horizon for planning. From then on, I've been able to turn on a dime. A little planning doesn't hurt; but, it often doesn't help, either. My hat is off to all of you who have stuck with planning so zealously. May your life be to your liking!!

    Hope that you enjoy the wedding. A glass of wine should help!
    Cop Car

  • At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    P.S. Typically, I failed to provide the most important input--sympathy. You have mine.
    Cop Car

  • At 11:30 PM, Blogger Bev Sykes said…

    Wine and a nap is definitely the way I'd deal with a crisis!

  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger Suzann said…

    Lucy - I laughed so hard at "It's like giving me a medical text book and assuring me I can do brain surgery." Different styles between folks can sure make things confusing. I hope you enjoyed your glass of wine and that you are feeling less stressed. Take care of you. Hugs.

  • At 10:56 AM, Blogger Jamie Dawn said…

    I'm a planner too, so I feel your pain. I HATE doing things last minute and in a rush!!
    Even with all the turmoil, I hope you DO enjoy yourself and have a wonderful time. Try and let the irritation subside once the shower day happens, even if things aren't perfect. I know it will be hard!!

    Congrats to Ben and The Lovely Teresa!!

  • At 3:52 PM, Anonymous Claude said…

    Hey, Lucy, just got back from a short trip! A glass of wine and a nap sounds very wise to me in this sort of case :)
    Hope you enjoy it!

  • At 8:19 PM, Anonymous Maria said…

    First I feel better that I chose not to go to the Blogher this year.

    Second, I not only over plan, I make plan B, and C in case A falls through.

    So have that glass of wine, relax, and let Carole handle it all when she gets back.

  • At 4:18 AM, Blogger Tamar said…

    Oh Happy Days! Wine and a nap and then on with the show! Congratulations to all the family.

  • At 8:57 PM, Anonymous HeresLucy said…

    He He --- your funny. But seriously - maybe a little dose of reality will help her see the light? Tom's always telling me === let the kids figure it out...they'll be better off.

    Enjoy that wine -- better order up a case!

  • At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Simply Coll said…

    Ahhh.. I can relate only too well. My oldest son is getting married this October. We are planning the shower for some time in September. Although we still have plenty of time.. it is passing quickly. So many plans and so much to do.

    Here's hoping everything goes smootly for your Ben and Teresa. Personally I think wine and napping sound like to very good options. :-)

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