Golden Lucy's Spiral Journal

Going on 87...Savoring and Surviving the Senior Years

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Lucy Hits the Box

The subject was seating.

I'm of the mind that one does not invite folks to what passes for a polite social occasion (e.g. a bridal shower) unless adequate seating is provided. A child of the hippie-era, my daughter-in-law Carole sneers at conventional seating arrangements and placecards. Her philosophy is that it's every man for himself and the rest of you sit on the floor.

OK, so maybe not the floor. But remarks like, "Don't worry about it." and "It'll be fine!" do little to relieve my anxiety. I just wanted to turn her over my knobby knees! Unable to reach seating consensus we agreed to disagree and to discuss it again in the morning. I retired to my sanctum sanctorum and Carole and Jack went to the movies. Then the fun began.

Watching Nancy Grace did not help me relax. I decided a glass of wine might---if I could find some. Unless we're expecting guests our family rarely has liquor of any kind on hand. Righto. Nary a single bottle. However I spied a large cardboard box labeled Chardonnay. I imagined it would have to do.

I'd never indulged in Chateau le Baux before and I couldn't figure out how to get at the wine. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the little black spigot on the side of the box. I pulled it. I pushed it. I twisted and turned it. I shook the whole box and finally took a table knife to the darn thing. When I uncovered the plastic bag inside I got thoroughly confused and went next door for help.

After he stopped laughing our neighbor Tom agreed to give me a hand---but not before he snapped a picture of me giving it one last try. He said nobody would believe it. He's probably right about that. But after everything tonight you can bet I'm going to be right about the chairs!


  • At 12:16 AM, Blogger bunnygirl said…

    Chateau le Baux! Too funny! Oh well, I guess if you can't get to it, you're in no possible danger of overindulging. In our litigous society, maybe it's an anti-lawsuit packaging.

  • At 1:03 AM, Blogger Savtadotty said…

    Who was it said "Life is just one damn thing after another?" A genius, whoever.

    Thanks to Tom, another genius, for capturing the memorable moment.

    As for the seating thing, I went through the same "issue" with my daughter's "wedding" 8 years ago. I hope you have better luck than I. What could I say when she argued "it's a Commitment Ceremony, not a wedding?" If gay marriage were legal in the USA would I have had a stronger argument? I had to resort to subterfuge in the end.

  • At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Claude said…

    ... still giggling! I am happy a photo was taken! Thank you Tom! Men sometimes prove to be useful ;)
    This is giving me an idea for a post. Just you wait ;)
    Hope you had a nice glass of wine!

  • At 4:48 AM, Blogger Mike ( ex scientia, veritas ) said…

    Lucy, thanx for the good laugh to start the day! Have a great weekend. :)

  • At 5:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    1) Get a long screwdriver. 2) Drive screwdriver down through the top of the box and bag. 3) Insert soda straw. 4) Sip...sip...sip.......slurp!
    Cop Car
    P.S. For those of us who would drink wine through a straw, we probably should start out sitting on the floor--so as not to fall off!

  • At 9:01 AM, Blogger goldenlucyd said…

    Dear Friends,
    Thanks for coming to the party. And thanks for bringing the screw-driver, Cop Car. It's so nice to have an engineer in the house. Not to worry about seating---we'll ALL be sitting on the floor.
    :) lucyd

  • At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Lucy said…

    Oh man.. this was entertaining.. i felt like i was right there watching the show. Maybe you could distribute the chairs as they come inside (i know that's tacky).

  • At 12:58 PM, Blogger Chancy said…

    Lucy-- What fun but where is it written that when you go for help opening the Chateau le Baux (I am going to steal that name) Where is it written that you look so glamourous with nary a hair out of place.

    Piqued Chancy Here.

  • At 4:05 PM, Blogger Jamie Dawn said…

    That box would have had me flummoxed as well.
    You look so cute trying to figure it out!
    I hope you drank the whole thing!!
    People don't like sitting on the floor.
    Having enough chairs really does matter.

    Lucy: 1
    Carole: 0

  • At 5:33 PM, Blogger Joy Des Jardins said…

    Well Lucy, it looks like that Chateau le Baux gave you a run for your money. I hope you got a nice glass of wine out of it. Heck, I hope you had more than one glass. If you have enough glasses, you won't care who sits...or lays on the floor at the shower. I believe we've just found the answer to your anxiety problem. CHEERS!

  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger goldenlucyd said…

    I have the best cyberpals in the world. Who else would tell me I looked hot in helmet-hair, urge me to drink more booze, and tell me to hand out folding chairs at the door? Gotta love y'all!

  • At 11:33 PM, Blogger Bev Sykes said…

    LOL. Very funny.

  • At 3:29 AM, Anonymous CJ said…

    LOL... very cute! Love your sense of humour :)

  • At 10:43 AM, Blogger Suzann said…

    Oh Lucy - how I needed to laugh this afternoon and laugh I did. You are precious. Suzann --- holding her sides

  • At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Maria said…

    I just had to drop by to see what new adventure you had. Wine indeed! Well it beats Whine, doesn't it. I would have been in the same boat as you, trying to open the darn thing.

    Good luck with the shower and dining arrangements. I am sure everyone will have a terrific time.

  • At 12:21 PM, Blogger Pam said…

    Hello, dropping in from Lucy's (the other one above)blog to see what she was laughing about. I think it belongs to the ten percent rule.
    You have to be ten percent smarter than what you are working with...

    I can't open the dang gum things!! I guess we are 'dumber than a box of wine'

    Thanks for sharing..*still chuckling*


  • At 12:22 PM, Blogger Pam said…

    I'm 44 and I think you should use placecards. And have enough chairs. And answer an RSVP.

  • At 7:06 PM, Blogger Chancy said…

    I had another thought fueled by some of the great comments above. I had rather wrestle a Baux than a wine cork. At least as a last resort, I could get a sharp knife and punch a big hole in the sucker and hold it over a large bowl and then ladle it up.


  • At 11:57 PM, Blogger Roberta said…

    Hi Lucy. Gotta love the situations you get yourself into. But now that the Chardonnay is gone, take the box to Tom's. He can blow up that bag inside and seal it (if you haven't completely massacred the plug) and you can give it to Carole for a floor cushion, you know, just in case you don't have enough folding chairs.

  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger Mildred Garfield said…

    If the guests start drinking wine they won't mind seating on the floor or who they are sitting with.

    They'll be happy and that's what counts.

    You tell a good story and your looking pretty good too!

  • At 7:18 AM, Anonymous Terri said…

    Leave it to And I bet the wine was all the sweeter for the work involved getting to it.
    Hope the shower went well and looking forward to details, especially the seating ones.

  • At 9:20 AM, Blogger Jamie Dawn said…

    Have finished drinking that box of wine yet????? :)

  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger goldenlucyd said…

    Well excuuuse me, Jamie Dawn! It takes a while to finish 5 liters of wine with a straw. Especially when I'm lying on the couch eating Cool Whip as I recover from the ever-dreaded bridal shower.
    Will report, with pix on that when I'm darn well ready. So chill out.

  • At 12:49 PM, Blogger Chantel said…

    A woman after my own heart!!

    Awww, I'm glad you asked for help; I would have called the fire department.

    Wait, that a great idea!!!

  • At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Simply Coll said…

    Oh my goodness.. this is just too funny. You are a riot!
    Good luck with the seating arrangements. :-)

  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger Miss Cellania said…

    I LOVE your site and your stories! I will be returning here often.

  • At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Lucy said…

    Are you done with that box of wine yet?

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger Frontier Editor said…

    If it weren't a Sunday and I was busy working at home on getting out a paper, I'd be tempted to make a bad Picasso cubist joke despite the fact that your eyes and nose are in the correct places on your face.

    Enjoyed your blog, too.

  • At 12:01 PM, Blogger Frontier Editor said…

    But it did occur, just after I hit the enter key, that some of the suggestions about post-consumption use of the container followed closely in the Bauxhaus school of design.

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