Lucy Hits the Box

The subject was seating.

I'm of the mind that one does not invite folks to what passes for a polite social occasion (e.g. a bridal shower) unless adequate seating is provided. A child of the hippie-era, my daughter-in-law Carole sneers at conventional seating arrangements and placecards. Her philosophy is that it's every man for himself and the rest of you sit on the floor.

OK, so maybe not the floor. But remarks like, "Don't worry about it." and "It'll be fine!" do little to relieve my anxiety. I just wanted to turn her over my knobby knees! Unable to reach seating consensus we agreed to disagree and to discuss it again in the morning. I retired to my sanctum sanctorum and Carole and Jack went to the movies. Then the fun began.

Watching Nancy Grace did not help me relax. I decided a glass of wine might---if I could find some. Unless we're expecting guests our family rarely has liquor of any kind on hand. Righto. Nary a single bottle. However I spied a large cardboard box labeled Chardonnay. I imagined it would have to do.

I'd never indulged in Chateau le Baux before and I couldn't figure out how to get at the wine. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the little black spigot on the side of the box. I pulled it. I pushed it. I twisted and turned it. I shook the whole box and finally took a table knife to the darn thing. When I uncovered the plastic bag inside I got thoroughly confused and went next door for help.

After he stopped laughing our neighbor Tom agreed to give me a hand---but not before he snapped a picture of me giving it one last try. He said nobody would believe it. He's probably right about that. But after everything tonight you can bet I'm going to be right about the chairs!